Born Yesterday: My 2008 Fantasy Football Rankings Rank - NOT!

The goal: Every day, one new thought, some of which I will even post.



Day 2: So what? I fantasize about fantasy football. Big deal. You may laugh -- and I may cry in shame -- but I know, scratch that, emphatically believe that the world is a better place with the diversion. Just look at my family's fantasy league for proof.

Like any family, mine has weathered tragedy. We seek comfort and the words that bring some, a search that often comes up empty, but the 10 members of the Mag 7+1 fantasy league -- all family members -- can take solace in a scientific man law: watching men in tights scrambling after a spiral ball through a TV screen helps the healing. We don't know why, but we know not to question it.

Maybe it's just a calling for the crazy. We know we're not real general managers and that a fee of $1 can't usually amend any true mistakes - like drafting Frank Gore in 2007 - but this lunacy and, possibly more importantly, the acceptance of it lends itself to the fun, to the fantasy. Gets us thinking hey, maybe we're not so crazy after all.



I went a lil overboard preparing for today's draft and for good reason. Compared to the dynasty years of my first franchise, the Suburban Sharpshooters, my 2007 homage to Michael Vick, the K.O. K-9s, blew up in my face. I finished third and consequently put every last pup to sleep -- twice.

When looking for redemption, it's important to get back to what's worked in the past. I got away from picking with my gut while relying too much on experts' advice, forgetting that they too probably live with their parents. So I scoured the Web, admittedly checking out some other rankings, and made me own list based on the following criteria: previous stats, upcoming strength of schedule, coolest names and what experts tell me.

I enter this season with new hope, new players, and a new team name: Cute Little Bunnies. Why? Because nobody wants to get beat by Cute Little Bunnies.

Since my draft was earlier today, I can reveal my rankings. Live and, if need be, die by them:

QB:
1. Tom Brady (NE)
2 Drew Brees (SD)
3. Tony Romo (DAL)
4. Peyton Manning (IND)
5. Donovan McNabb (PHI)
6. Ben Rothisburger (PIT)
7. David Garrand (JAC)
8. Carson Palmer (CIN)
9. Matt Hasselbeck (SEA)
10. Brett Farve (NYJ)
11. Derek Anderson (CLE)
12. Philip Rivers (SD)
13. Eli Manning (NYG)
14. Matt Schwab (HOU)
15. Marc Bulger (STL)
16. Jason Campbell (WASH)
17. Jon Kitna (DET)
18. Kurt Warner (ARI)
19. Philip Rivers (SD)
20. J.T. O'Sullivan (SF)
21. Aaron Rodgers (GB)
22. Jake Delholme (CAR)
23. JaMarcus Russell (OAK)
24. Jeff Garcia (TB)
25. Brady Quinn (CLE)
26. Matt Ryan (ATL)
27. Trent Edwards (BUF)
28. Brodie Croyle (KC)
29. Chad Pennington (MIA)
30. Jay Cutler (DEN)

RB
1. LT (SD)
2. Brian Westbrook
3. Adrian Peterson (MIN)
4. Joseph Addai (IND)
5. Marion Barber (DAL)
6. Ryan Grant (GB)
7.Steven Jackson (STL)
8. Frank Gore (SF)
9.Clinton Portis (WAS)
10.Marshawn Lynch (BUF)
11.Willis McGahee (BAL)
12. Brandon Jacobs (NYG)
13. Darren McFadden (OAK) Rookie
14. Reggie Bush (NO)
15. Jamal Lewis
16. Willie Parker
17. Larry Johnson (KC)
18. Earnest Grahm (TB)
19. Laurence Maroney (NE)
20. Kevin Smith (DET) Rookie
21. Thomas Jones (NYJ)
22. Michael Turner (ATL)
23. Maurice Jones Drew (JAC)
24. Jonathon Stewart (CAR) Rookie
25. Matt Forte (CHI) Rookie
26. Selvin Young (DEN)
27. Chris Perry (CIN)
28.Edge James (INDY)
29. Ronnie Brown (MIA)
30. Chris Johnson (TEN)
31.Fred Taylor (JAC)
32. Maurice Morris (SEA)
33. Steve Slaton (HOU)
34. Ricky Williams (MIA)
35. LenDale White (TEN)
36. Justin Fargas (OAK)
37. Sammy Morris (NE)
38. Jerious Norwood (ATL)
39. Julius Jones (SEA)
40. DeAngelo Williams (PAN)
41. Mendenhall (PIT)
42. Tim Hightower (ARI)
43. Felix Jones (DAL)
44. Ray Rice (BAL)

WR
1. Randy Moss (MIN)
2. Terrell Owens (DAL)
3. Braylon Edwards (CLE)
4. Marquis Colton (NO)
5. Reggie Wayne (IND)
6. Larry Fitzgerald (ARI)
7. Brandon Marshall (DEN)
8. TJ Houshamedah (CIN)
9.Torry Holt (STL)
10. Santanio Holmes (PIT)
11. Andre Johnson (HOU)
12. Chad Johnson (CIN)
13. Jerricho Cotchery (NYJ)
14. Plaxico Burress (NYG)
15. Anquan Boldin (ARI)
16. Wes Welker (NE)
17. Steve Smith (CAR)
18. Roy Williams (DET)
19. Calvin Johnson (DET)
20. Donald Driver (GB)
21.Hines Ward (PIT)
22. Marvin Harrison (IND)
23. Roddy White (ATL)
24. Dwayne Bowe (KC)
25. Laveranues Coles (NYJ)
26. Greg Jennings (GB)
27. Ted Ginn Jr. (MIA)
28. Joey Galloway (TB)
29. Patrick Crayton (DAL)
30. Anthony Gonzalez (IND)
31.Lee Evans (BUF)
32. Nate Burleson (SEA)
33.Drew Bennett (STL)
34.Reggie Williams (JAC)
35.Ronald Curry (OAK)
36. Santana Moss (WAS)
37. DeSean Jackson (PHI)
38. Isaac Bruce (SF)
39. Donte Stallworth (CLE)
40. Antwone Randle El (WAS)

DEF
1. Minnesota
2. San Diego
3. Seattle
4. Chicago
5. Dallas
6. Green Bay
7. Pittsburgh
8. Tampa Bay
9. Indy
10. Philly
11. New England
12. NY Giants
13. Baltimore
14. San Fran
15. Tennessee

Kicker:
Who cares?

Who da Cute Little Bunnies selected:
Pk#
1. LaDainian Tomlinson (SD) RB
20. Ryan Grant (GB) RB
21. Donovan McNabb (PHI) QB Note: I was laughed at pretty hard for this.
40. Brandon Marshall (DEN) WR
41. Torry Holt (STL) WR
60. Calvin Johnson (DET) WR
61. Kevin Smith (DET) RB
80. Matt Hasselback (SEA) QB
81. San Diego Chargers DEF
100. Nate Keading (SD) K
101. Anthony Gonzalez (IND) WR
120. Jonathon Stewart (CAR) RB
121. Tampa Bay Bucs DEF
140. Sammy Morris (NE) RB
141. Issac Bruce (SF) WR
160. Whomever the Chiefs kicker is. Go Chiefs

Final Grade: Fuckin' A