A couple phrases for Opposite Day

The goal: Every day, one new thought, some of which I will even post.

Some phases connote the opposite of their intended meanings. I’m rattling off just a pair of examples to keep this goal from becoming too pathetic:

1) ASAP – The grandmother of all cellphone lingo (LOL!), ASAP started off as the gentlest nudge, like the equivalent of a not-so pushy person appointed to lead. But somewhere along the way it turned into a real bitch.

Whenever I read it, hear it, or contemplate using it, I always need a reminder of its meaning. As soon as possible? Nooo, that’s what it used to stand for, back in its archaic sense. Now, only popular among drill sergeants and Nazis, it means closer to “Bitch, I said 'now'” while a toothpick flings toward your face.

If you want something as soon as possible, and you’re not a nazi drill sergeant, spell it out.

2) “I will do my best ...” – These words are usually the last thing a person writes before sitting back on his/her hands. I feel like I’m getting the finger every time I hear it. It’s the only finger I say ‘Thanks’ for.